Der große Sankt Bernhard - I had searched for this image, and I'd been ever so pleased when I found it. Because it shows the pass and it shows a motorbike. I wanted it for the 'cover' of a CD I was putting together for a friend of mine. A friend who was into motorbikes and who was called Bernhard, or Bernd for short. I never made it. I never got it done. I've got the playlist, yes. But it was too long. It needed decisions - I'm useless at decisions. And now he's dead. Dead and gone. Forever and ever. At his own hand. In the most horrid way possible.
I'm not the one who found him - and yet, I cannot get rid of the picture. How can it ever go away? How on earth could that have been the end of Bernd? The most vivacious, fun-loving, easy-going bloke you could ever come across. He was kind, funny, andthe sort of person you'd call a real brick. His giggly laugh is inimitable and unforgettable.
We're all devastated. -- If you know anyone with a heart disease who seems unusually low, PLEASE do all you can to make him/her see someone who's aware of the connection between heart disease and depression. There's only an 80% chance that treatment will work -- but we didn't even think it was depression. He just seemed low, subdued, not quite the same. It seemed understandable after a heart-attack at 39. We didn't realise it was depression. We didn't know there's a connection.
I think I was 14 when I first met him, and 17 when I went out with him. Going to his funeral was like burying my youth.