Balls-Up and Bollocks!

Lantern Procession on St. Martin's Day

If you've seen my last entry's title and now this one, you must think I'm deliberately and unnecessarily rude (and you'd probably be right... I'm Continental and therefore of a more robust ilk in terms of coarseness, much to my kids' embarrassment), but there is actually a rationale behind this one: two recipes I tried out happened to be balls of one kind or another, and neither of them worked out. So there, that's my justification for the profanities.

My pumpkin pie at Halloween didn't work out either; and ok, I always called it the penultimate recipe - implying that there was certainly something still in need of improvement ... but, my, this time it hadn't even set properly, and the crust was far too hard... I felt completely defeated. What on earth was I doing writing a food blog? It's not as if I have to add anything special to the world of food blogging anyway, and now it seems I've lost my cooking mojo completely. Today, I even managed to mangle a bought-in pie!

The heart seems to have dropped out of my cooking world. I've got a backlog of photographs and recipes, and I certainly need to record my favourite slimming recipes, but I really don' t know when that 'll be. The sooner the better, my jeans seem to say, stretched as they are, to bursting point, and yes, St. Martin (Martinmas, today) would be a good day to start, with six weeks leading up to Christmas. Maybe I'll actually get round to roasting a goose on Sunday, and then we can all start to 'de-grease' after that . The goose is as traditional as the lantern procession for the kids (see above) . I'll try and remember to tell you more about it next year...

A Cock-up on the Catering Front

Example of a Cock-up on the Linguistic Front (1)

For further explanation, go to footnote 1, for my story of a cock-up on the culinary front, read on:

You would have thought that someone with a food blog would want to cook for their friends, especially those they don't see all that often, those who have to travel a fair few miles, friends like my 'girls': 'my College friends'. -- 'College' and 'girls' both being somewhat misleading, as the place where we met was a Polytechnic, and the time so long ago that none of us fit the description of 'girl' anymore (though some of us try...).

I can't even start to express how much I wished I had cooked.

But as soon as we approached Monday, I knew I'd be working flat out just getting the rooms sorted. Somehow or other, I have never actually defined "A lot on my plate" in terms of the long list of items that I should be doing, or more precisely, should have been doing for quite some time. For quite some decades!
Without going into the question which mental condition this is symptomatic for, beyond straight-forward procrastination, suffice it to say that the list has never got any shorter, or the plate any emptier. Empty, in actual fact, does not seem to be in my user manual - every room of the house is so crammed full of stuff that only on a good day may you venture from one end to the other and open the curtains or the window. (It isn't yet quite a case of "tunnels only"(2), but we're getting there.)


Now, instead of getting on with it immediately, Monday was dedicated to mourning the Crown Prince's departure, which prompted me to start a new blog. The usual delaying tactic of rather writing about your inadequacies than doing anything about them. To cut a long story short, it wasn't before Wednesday that I started attacking Ben's filthy room (I gathered 2 washing baskets full of dirty clothes in the process), and with a whole day spent at Aston University for the Matthew Boulton lectures on Thursday, it wasn't until the arrival day itself that I managed to cut trenches into the jungle that is Dom's old room.

There was no time to shop, let alone cook. A take away it was going to be. We ventured out and had a look at the plethora of restaurants/take-aways in walking distance (3 Chinese, 2 Pizza places, 2 Indian restaurants, and a Fish & Chips). We chose Chinese and ordered 3 Vegetarian dishes and one with King Prawns. To our utter shock and horror, when we got home and opened the dishes, we found that all of the Vegetarian options contained meat - chicken, beef, prawns, all thrown in, as if to say - you didn't specify which, so we've given you a mixture. It was awful, because our Vegetarian friend now didn't have anything to eat other than egg fried rice and noodles. What on earth were they thinking? It was very late and we were very hungry, so we didn't even take it back.
Has anybody else ever had such a strange experience?
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(1)
For the derivation and meaning of 'cock-up', see here.
For 'Lost in Translation in Swansea', see here.
(2)
For further reference, see here and here.

RIP Keith Floyd

Choucroute d'Alsace

I wonder how many of my fellow food bloggers in the UK felt the urge to cook something special last night in memory of Keith Floyd, the incorrigible cook and TV presenter, who had died the night before. It was a particular shock as on that very night, the BBC had broadcast a programme about him. I couldn't help wondering whether watching it had given him the heart attack - Floyd had looked frail enough during the filming, and I don't think the Keith Allen led documentary did him any favours.

Let's rather remember his larger than life exuberance, his lack of reverence, and the abundance and abandon he brought to British cooking. I got out Floyd on France, cracked open a bottle of wine, and Choucroute d'Alsace is what I ended up with.

"Trust you to hone in on a region the Germans invaded", was Mr ALOMP's reaction to the rather Teutonic, meat and Sauerkraut dominated dish. Hmm, yes, apparently due to domestic pulling powers, such as 'what do I actually have in?' (I'm German, so I always have Sauerkraut in) and 'what needs to be used up?' (smoked ham, smoked sausage - both Polish, but then, so were the ancestors if you go back far enough), I had to forego Floyd's maxims "careful shopping" and "fresh ingredients", and decided on an approximation of the dish featured on page 227. But maybe there was more to it? Maybe all that talk of good, honest, hearty home cooking had me salivating for childhood fare? (Come to think of it - at the Malmö Food Festival, of all the international dishes I could have gone for, I had plumped for Bigos - the Sauerkraut based Polish Classic, interestingly sometimes referred to as Silesian Bigos, Silesia being the area my Mum is from.)

In any case, it had made me block out the fact that neither of my remaining men (D eventually off to explore the Capital of the fatherland, or rather, in our case, the motherland) like Sauerkraut, a fact which wasn't helped by the only one of Floyd's maxims I adhered to - "an unhurried approach" - which resulted in the food being served very late. They ate it all but they didn't love it. Whereas I have to admit, I did. In rather colloquial German, "Ich hätte mich da reinsetzen können" - roughly translated, "I could have settled in it".

Oh yes, there was plenty of Riesling in the Sauerkraut and I also made Poires au vin rouge (p 33). Needless to say copious amounts of red and white were also imbibed. Ah, no one quite like Keith Floyd! I very much hope that he ended as he did in the epilogue of Floyd on France:

"And me? I am sitting - another fallen star - waiting for the early train. But happy."

Eurofret #1

Spaghetti con Aglio e Olio

We're back from our holidays, and I'm very pleased that my contribution for Dinner and a Movie went out as scheduled. It's the first time that I left a blog entry to be published in absentia. (Ironically, the deadline was extended to today!) But that is not what the fretting is about. "Eurofret" is a sign somewhere around the ferry port of Dunkirk, and each time we go that way, it strikes me as an ideal title for a TV show where people can complain about Europe.
Well, we've been to Germany, Denmark and Sweden, and I've got a lot to fret about. So I thought I 'd start a little series. I'll make it food-related if I can.
That shouldn't be too difficult - with the pound so weak, everything was astronomically expensive, so, lots to fret about. The above dish, re-created today, was one of the exceptions, a mere 6.50 € I think, which is nearly £ 6.50 now. But if you think how little goes into it...

My 'version' came with cherry tomatoes and 'Pepperoni'. On the Continent, those are types of small, spicy pickled peppers (often known as peperoncino or peperone piccante in Italy and pepperoncini or banana peppers in the U.S.), not the spicy variety of salami in Italo-American dishes. However, when you look up the recipe, the 'classic' one would not feature anything much besides the oil and garlic in the title.

But what the heck, I liked the addition of tomatoes and spicy peppers. I also liked the use of red chillies, as opposed to chilli flakes, which I found in online recipes. Everyone seemed to agree on the use of parsley - but I didn't have any. I had bought 'sun-kissed oregano' at Waitrose instead (because I'm a sucker for 'romantic marketing'). So, this is what I did:

Spaghetti, enough for x people
1 tbsp of olive oil per person (I used a very special one, 'Colonna Gran Verde', with the zest of organic lemons, which I bought in a delicatessen in Henley-in-Arden, because the addition of lemon juice and zest was also recommended in a number of recipes)
1 large clove of garlic per person, cut into slivers
2 cherry tomatoes, halved, per person
1 fresh red chilli per person
2 yellow pickled peppers per person (mine were from Lidl; very mild)

Boil the spaghetti in salted water until al dente.
In a large pan, heat oil and add the garlic slivers, keep stirring. It's important the the garlic doesn't turn brown. Add chillies, peppers and tomatoes.
Add the drained spaghetti to the pan and mix well.
Season liberally with salt and pepper.
Add finely cut oregano right at the end.

I served it with a mixed salad and a glass of red wine. Grated parmesan is optional.

I had this first in the port of Husum, Germany.

Dinner and A Movie: Wall Street

Micaella's Dough

It seems like I don’t get round to anything else these days, in blogging terms, other than the beloved cinematic food event that is Dinner and a Movie.


Joint hosts are Marc (norecipes) and Susan (stickygooeycreamychewy), and they take it in turns to select the film and organise the round-up. This time, it was Marc's turn, and he chose the 1987 Oliver Stone film Wall Street for the month of August. As most people probably know, it features Michael Douglas as a ruthless corporate raider, Charlie Sheen as a young man (Bud Fox) desperate to be a player in the cut-throat world of international finance, and Martin Sheen as his Union leader father who has rather different values.
Douglas, who wasn’t Stone’s first choice, won the Oscar for his portrayal of the unscrupulous Gekko who corrupts the young Fox. (Who doesn’t remember the line, "Greed is good"?) The latter eventually does not even shy away from insider dealings and a quasi betrayal of his father.

Other memorable lines are, “There is no nobility in poverty”, “You’re not naïve enough to believe we live in a democracy, are you?” and “It’s all about bucks, kid.” It’s this all encompassing theme of money which inspired my food choice: DOUGH.

Dough is only one of the numerous food-related synonyms for money:
beer tickets, bread, cake, cheddar, cheese (and variations such as gouda & veeta for velveeta), cream, lolly, chips, gravy, roll, bacon, beans, berries, cabbage, kale, lettuce, sugar, and clams were all amongst those found in my online search.

In German, the only one with food associations is Eier – eggs. Well, one of those went into Micaella’s dough, as did some cheddar (for other ingredients, see below). To obtain a dough, you have to knead (kneten) your ingredients, and Knete, interestingly, is German for plasticene/play-dough and happens to be another colloquial term for money.

My dough was not turned into a loaf sized bread, but little breads – Brötchen = rolls. Which, I believe (though his fate remains open at the end of the film), is what Gekko will have to bake smaller ones of…
Confused? “Kleine/kleinere Brötchen backen” is a frequently used idiom, which means

to become more reticent; aim lower; take a backseat; to economize; become subdued after initial bragging; become more modest; conduct business with less voracity...

as in:
"BASF muss kleinere Brötchen backen. Die schlechtere Konjunktur lässt die Gewinne des Konzerns schwächer fließen als erwartet" -
“BASF has to retract. The economic down-turn has meant lower profits than the company expected.”

How fitting… but for the time being I’ll leave it to somebody else to comment on the total insanity that is the world’s betting shop, also known as the Stock Exchange, and just concentrate on how to make cheesy dough for little rolls:

Micaella's Dough

1 egg
lukewarm water
3 3/4 cups of strong bread flour
1 1/2 tsp of salt
2 tsp of sugar
2 tbsp of soft butter
1 tsp dried yeast
2 cups of grated cheese

Put the egg into a measuring jug and beat lightly. Add lukewarm water to make up to 300ml, mix. Pour into a large bowl. Add the flour and completely cover the liquid. Add the salt, sugar and butter in three different places around the edge. Make a small indentation in the middle into which to sprinkle the yeast. Start kneading (or use kneading implements, or use a bread maker), then add the cheese and continue until everything is well mixed. Set aside to rise. (A warm place is always recommended, which is sometimes not as easy as it sounds. I cover the bowl with a shower cap - a trick I picked up from the Hairy Bikers - and put the bowl in the top oven without switching it on. It'll get a bit warmer once the bottom oven is being pre-heated.) After about an hour, your dough should look a bit like mine above. For a loaf, put the dough into a bread tin and set aside to rise again (ca 45 minutes), then bake in a pre-heated oven at C200 for about 40 minutes on the middle shelf. For rolls, divide the dough into about 8 portions and form into rolls. Place on to a baking sheet lined with baking paper, set aside to rise for about 45 minutes and bake for about 25 minutes.

Cheesy Rolls

Dinner and A Movie: Breakfast at Tiffany's

Picture a Yellow NY taxi

Holly:

People don’t belong to people. I’m like cat here. No-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us, we don’t even belong to each other.

Paul:

You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts, you’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, ok, life’s a fact.

People do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.

For my favourite on-line foodie event,

organised jointly by Susan and Marc, Susan chose an absolute classic this time: Breakfast at Tiffany's. The film, with its innovative costuming by legendary designers Edith Head and Givenchy, predominantly in black and white, produced some of the most iconographic images ever, thanks to Audrey Hepburn’s elegant beauty.

She plays 19-year-old Holly Golightly, a self-declared wild thing who abandons relationships and responsibilities when they threaten to jeopardize her freedom. Her desire for "breakfast at Tiffany's” (absurd, as Tiffany's do not serve food) symbolises in its unattainability her struggle against conventional constraints such as settling down in a stable relationship. (Oh, I’m so with her!! She’s 19, for heaven’s sake!!!)

Apart from the fashion, and the equally famous music by Henri Mancini (Moon River), one of the most striking aspects of this 1961 film is the perpetual smoking and cocktail drinking. Clear evidence, if any was needed, that drinking yourself into a comatose state wasn’t invented in the 90s. It just wasn’t called binge drinking.

There is no food to speak of at these parties, so no inspiration there. We do see a pressure cooker exploding, but I really had no wish to repeat this experience, I vividly recall the eruption of my lentil soup some years ago, with the tiny legumes reaching even the most remote corners of the ceiling.

Another draw-back this time was the circumstance that the list of ingredients I am allowing myself, after being seriously ill, drastically reduces my range of recipes. Just as I felt I couldn’t possibly invent something that would be good enough to reflect this superb film, it came to me in a flash: The Little Black Dress Diet!

Not only does it have Holly Golightly on the cover, it’s also contains really healthy diet meals. I opted for a breakfast (of course), and decided to serve it in a cocktail glass (of course, again).

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

(adapted from Michael van Straten’s The LBD Diet)

Fresh pineapple (representing gold)

Cinnamon

Cardamom seeds, pounded

Coriander seeds, pounded

Honey

Blueberries, redcurrants (representing rubies and sapphires)

Cut up your pineapple into bite-sized pieces, put on a foil covered baking sheet. Pound the spices with pestle and mortar, and sieve the husks out. Mix with cinnamon and honey, then spread the mixture on top of the pineapple pieces and grill until golden brown. Serve in a cocktail glass together with the rubies and sapphires.

The original recipe uses only cinnamon and brown sugar. I used local honey instead as that is supposed to be good when you're a hay fever sufferer.

The film is of course based on the 1958 novella of the same name by Truman Capote, whom Norman Mailer described as "the most perfect writer of my generation". When the story was adapted for a mainstream audience by scriptwriter George Axelrod, it was to lose its obscene language and explicit sexual references, and the plot and character details were drastically changed, the most striking of which was to turn the relationship between Holly Golightly and Paul (George Peppard in the film) into a conventional heterosexual love story.

Never mind, it’s a glorious film, and I’m reading the book right now, so I’m divinely happy, darling! Thank you Susan for another inspired choice!!

Foovolution

Aku Shaak - Stuffed Vegetable Curry
(A Gujarati speciality from South Africa, from Madhur Jaffrey's Curry Bible )

Maybe, if you're not a scientist, you are not aware of this: 2009 is Darwin Year. Without Melissa, over at hecticium, I probably wouldn't know either. Melissa, also being a foodie, had this great idea to start January off with a dish, which would evolve into something slightly different every month. I volunteered for June, and as we're past the longest day now, and therefore half way through the year (frightening, isn't it?), I'm going to take the opportunity to sum up the evolutionary development so far.


In the ancestral ingredients pool were aubergines, courgettes, tomatoes, Provencal herbs, olive oil, marscapone cheese, salt and pepper in a layered dish called Baked Provencal Vegetables, made by the initiator herself.
In February, onions, garlic, peppers, carrots, chilli flavoured oil, pesto and wholemeal wraps had been added to the original configuration, and Muireann replaced the marscapone and Provencal herbs with cream cheese and dried basil respectively.
Naomi introduced meat (minced beef) into the recipe, as well as crackers, egg, spinach leaves, soy cream, hazelnuts, mushhrooms, and a handful of mange-tout, while removing the aubergine and peppers, and replaced the wraps with Spaghetti, and the cream cheese with ricotta and quark for March's meatballs with spaghetti.
In April, the aubergines (1) made a come-back, while the courgettes dropped out, the beef was replaced by minced lamb, and a whole array of new ingredients were added: potatoes, mint, parsley, oregano, cinnamon, tomato puree, milk, flour, a bay leaf, and red wine for the Hunt family Moussaka by Laura. She also came up with the great term foovolution that I use in the title of this post.
Ricotta proved an ingredient well suited to the environment as it still features in May's recipe by Kira, who took the foovolution to another level: the ricotta went into Ricotta and Dill Bread (adapted from The Art of Handmade Bread by Dan Leopard), and the aubergine went into everything else, a Baba Ghanoush, Baked Aubergines with Coriander Yogurt Dressing, and Aubergine, Halloumi and Asparagus, with Lemon/Oil Dressing, all looking absolutely delicous, see for yourselves here.
New 'traits' to draw from in June were plenty: tahini, coriander, paprika, lemon, couscous, apricots, sun-dried tomatoes, pine nuts, spring onions, natural yogurt, ginger, dry yeast, flour, bread flour, dill, halloumi, asparagus tips, chilli flakes, honey, whole grain mustard.

Now, evolution is the product of two opposing forces: processes that constantly introduce variation, and processes that make variants become more common or rare. Adaptations occur through a combination of successive, small, random changes in traits, and natural selection of the variants best-suited for their environment.
I have also learnt that natural selection has no long-term goal and does not necessarily produce greater complexity. In that vein, my main ingredients are the ones which have become the most common traits: aubergine, onion and tomato. From May, I will carry over coriander, lemon, ginger, and the yoghurt for an accompaniment. I will also draw on earlier variants for potatoes (new, in season, and therefore an environmental force), peppers and mint. And the nuts, which appeared earlier as hazelnuts and pine nuts make a come-back as peanuts and coconut. There will be no meat or cheese (the environmental force here could be the credit crunch, or it could be the more personal, domestic one of heart disease and diabetes in my family demanding less meat and dairy intake and an increase in the consumption of vegetables), and my spices and my flour will be Indian, because another environmental factor in this house is the fact that my son Ben will eat only vegetables which are heavily disguised or heavily curried.

Madhur Jaffrey recommends using the small egg-shaped aubergines you can get at Asian markets. Living in Birmingham, that is not problem for me. As an alternative, she suggests long ones sold as Dutch or Italian ones. Well, as you can see, I had a 'normal' fat one. I cut one big slice of about 5 cms, which I then cut into quarters, and I used those alongside some of the small ones.

Aku Shaak - Stuffed Vegetable Curry

(serves 8)

You will need a large, deep frying pan for this.

vegetables:

6 small round aubergines, or chunky pieces as described above
4 onions
4 tomatoes for stuffing
255 g tomatoes, grated (or tinned chopped tomatoes)
3 medium boiling potatoes, peeled and quartered lengthways
1 green pepper, cut into squares

for the paste:

4 tbsp chickpea flour (gram flour)
2 tbsp roasted peanuts, ground (I reckon you could just as well use smooth peanut butter and omit the tbsp of oil)
2 tbsp desiccated coconut
1 tbsp fresh ginger, grated
4-5 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 1/2 tsp hot green chillies, finely chopped
2 tsp of salt
1 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1 1/2 tsp ground turmeric
2 tbsp of jaggery or soft brown sugar
a handful of coriander leaves, chopped
2 tbsp ground coriander
2 tbsp of ground cumin
olive oil
1 tsp of lemon juice

Also:

1 1/2 tsp whole brown mustard seeds
1/4 tsp ground asafetida
4 whole dried, hot red chillies

1. Put all the ingredients for the paste into a bowl, mix, and add 1 tbsp of oil and 1-2 tbsp of water to get a crumbly paste.
2. Cut deep crosses in the bottom of the aubergines, or into the cut ends if using chunks. Stuff some of the paste into them. Cut crosses into the tomatoes and onions and also stuff them. Set aside the stuffing that's left.
   
3. Fill the frying pan with oil to a depth of 1 1/2 mm and set on a medium heat. Add the mustard seeds, asafetida and chillies when it's hot. A few seconds later, add the potatoes, stir for 30 seconds, cover and cook for 3-4 minutes. Stir from time to time.
4. Carefully put the onions and aubergines into the pan, cut side up. Cover and continue to cook on medium heat for 7-8 minutes.
5. Add 4 tbsp of water, move the vegetables about. Put the lid back on, reduce the heat to low and cook for 15 minutes.
6. Move the vegetables around again, then add the tomatoes, and scatter the pepper pieces.
7. 
8. Add the grated tomatoes to the stuffing you set aside, mix well and pour the mixture over the peppers. Cover and continue to cook for a further 20-25 minutes, until the tomatoes are just done.
   

We had a raita with this, made from yoghurt, garlic, some grated cucumber, mint and cumin seeds.

Delicious and very filling, if you cook the above quantity and you're just 3! Mind you, it wouldn't be enough for 8 as a full meal.

And here for those who would like to contemplate evolution, natural selection and Darwin's role in this a bit more, a link to an essay in the New York Times: Darwinism Must Die So That Evolution May Live
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(1) Did you know that aubergine production is quite concentrated with 85 percent of output coming from only three countries? The UK is No 10 on the list.