Your garden or mine?

Well, clearly yours, as mine is
a) only a stretch of grass to be used for rugby in winter and cricket in summer, and
b) right at the moment even less inviting, as the neighbours can walk straight into it, because yet another couple of fence panels have been blown over.

So, hopefully, you are, what I am not: a giardiniera. -- The Italian word 'giardiniera' is derived from the root giardino ("garden"), and literally translates to "female gardener."

Giardiniera

And this is what has been said about the condiment called giardiniera , which I mentioned in my last post:

• from a Q answered on taste of home:

Giardinera is a wonderful Italian sandwich topping made from olives, cauliflower, carrots and peppers packed in a mixture of oil and vinegar (mostly oil.) It can be mild or hot. Sometimes you can find it chopped and it may be called muffalata. (1)

• From Kyle Phillips, Your Guide to Italian Cuisine:
  

This is what most Italians think of when they hear the words Sotto Aceti, a collection of mixed pickled vegetables. The standard Italian antipasto misto wouldn't be quite right without these, and they also work very well with boiled meats in the winter months.

• from Garrett's table:

... For many Italian beef eaters in Chicago, a lode [sic] of giardiniera atop the beef is as essential as the beef itself. ... giardiniera should not be mild!

• from roadfood:

This Italian condiment is a Chicago staple. It’s a mixture of pickled vegetables and hot peppers that’s marinated in olive oil and vinegar. Refrigerated, it’s [sic] shelf life is practically unlimited. It’s the best on an Italian beef sandwich but I put it on everything from toast to pasta.

My recipe, once again, is an amalgamation of many. Googling and comparing 7 recipes, the following standard ingredients were revealed and ranked in descending order:

Olive oil: 7/7

Onions*: 7/7

Olives: 4/7

Cauliflower: 6/7

Carrots: 6/7

Peppers: 6/7

Vinegar: 5/7

Garlic: 5/7

Peppercorns: 4/7

Oregano: 4/7

Salt: 3/7

Jalapenos: 2/7

Red pepper flakes: 2/7

Lemon juice/caper brine: 1/7

* Pickling/yellow/red

Other possible vegetables include baby mushrooms, celery, green beans, zucchini, baby cucumbers, or artichoke hearts. It's clearly a recipe for experimentation.

Giardiniera (G&T recipe #3)

Blitz:
1 tbsp green olives
½ cup cauliflower florets
1 carrot
1 red pepper
1 green pepper
½ onion
½ zucchini
1 stick celery
1 green hot chilli
Boil:
1 cup white vinegar
Add:
Blitzed vegetables and
1 bay leaf
tsp pepper corns
1 tbsp dried oregano
Boil for 15 minutes Add:
2 tbsp of chopped capers
1 tsp of dried chillies and
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup of olive oil

Fill into sterilised glass jars. Don't put it all into one big jar, you'll be better off using several smaller jars because the contents of an open jar lose their freshness. As I wanted to keep the mix indefinitely, I topped them up with more vinegar, so that everything was well covered. Most recipes will advise you to leave the giardiniera to mature for 48 hours to 1 week before using.

Mine is pretty vinegary, which I love, but some people would probably be happier with less vinegar and more oil.

PanNan on Recipezaar recommends giardiniera with cream cheese on a cracker. I tried it with mine but found it's too vinegary for that.

PS: The photograph of the flowers along the garden path was taken in Monet's Garden.

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(1) I mentioned it as 'muffuletta' here (Feb, 17th) - see more here about the bread, salad and sandwich, and the endless spelling variations.

BBD#18: Nothing but Waffle...

Mediterranean Waffles with Olives and Herbs

...wouldn't quite do. So I served them with tomato salad and various antipasti, such as pickled red peppers, artichoke hearts, asparagus spears, green olives, sun-dried tomatoes, and my own home-made giardiniera (recipe to follow). The waffles I made were adapted from "Waffeln und Crêpes, knusprig, süß oder pikant" (waffles and crepes, crisp, sweet or savoury) by G. Poggenpohl (bought in Germany for the princely sum of €5, back in the good old days when the £ was worth something).
This is my contribution to BBD#18, the theme of which was Quick Breads. The event was hosted by Mansi of Fun & Food this time. Thanks, Mansi!

Mediterranean Waffles with Olives and Herbs
NB: You need a waffle iron to make these.

Ingredients:
70ml olive oil
4 eggs
100g corn flour
100g plain flour
120 ml milk
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
4 cloves garlic
50g olives
3 tbsp mixed herbs (or whatever is at hand, I used lemon thyme)

Method:
Mix plain and corn flour with baking powder and salt. Mix eggs and olive oil. Using one spoonful at a time, add egg mixture and milk to the flour mix and stir until smooth. Chop the olives, garlic and herbs and add to the dough. Heat the waffle iron and bake. I set mine to mark 5.

Makes about 6 rounds of hearts.

I thought they worked really well with the tomato salad (mine was very basic, I just added a few capers; a tomato, mozzarella and basil version would have been good, too), and the giardiniera. The waffles enable you to mop up all the tasty liquid, so they'd make a great accompaniment to all sorts of dishes, especially as so many variations are possible. I think I'll get that waffle iron out more often now. I can see waffles as an alternative to bread with soups, and even a quick solution if The Boy finds himself without a Naan for his curry. I'd like to work on a potato version and also on cutting out eggs and eventually dairy, too, for a Vegan-friendly waffle.
They can be eaten warm, straight from the waffle iron, kept warm as a stack in the oven, or cold. They also freeze well and can be de-frosted/heated in the toaster.

Dinner and A Movie: Moonstruck

Steak Diane

As explained here and here, and here, Marc and Susan run this brilliant event, called Dinner and a Movie.

This month's film was MOONSTRUCK.
An exuberantly Italian romantic comedy, it immediately - immediamente (1) - conjured up a quintessential Italian family meal. In particular one I've been meaning to cook for ages: Ossobuco. But you have to be fast (i.e. early) at Birmingham's market to get hold of the right cut of meat, and, yes, you've guessed it, 'fast' and 'early' are not in my active vocabulary.
So, back to my BH's suggestion of Steak Diane.
WHY? Well, the MOON, as in the title, plays an important role in the film, in particular the effect a full moon (2). Here, "she brings the woman to the man", which ties in with lunar deities being female in the Romance languages (3). Amongst the Roman Moon goddesses is not just Luna, but also Diana, hence Steak Diane.
As she is also known as the goddess of the hunt, I expected Steak Diane to feature a sauce containing mushrooms. But only 3 of the first 5 googled recipes did. Otherwise, they only differed in terms of quantities, herbs and methods used.

This is my amalgamation: (G & T Recipe #2)(4)

Steak Diane (Serves 4)
Ingredients:

4 small fillet steaks (5)
2 -3 banana shallots, finely diced
100g button mushrooms
1 fat garlic clove
Worcestershire sauce, splash
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
2 tbsp brandy
150 ml single cream (6)

1 tbsp chives, snipped (7)
lemon juice, splash; optional
olive oil
salt, pepper

Method:

Season the steaks on both sides and smear with some of the mustard. Heat the oil in a pan and fry the steaks for 1-2 minutes, then set aside. In the same pan, saute the shallots, minced garlic, and mushrooms. (I sliced mine finely because The Boy hates them, but I think you could leave them whole if they're tiny.) Cook for 2 minutes, tossing and stirring. Add the remaining mustard, Worcestershire sauce and lemon juice. Season. To add the brandy, you tilt the pan slightly away from you, and keep it at the far side. Ignite the brandy and wait until the alcohol has burnt off before incorporating it into the mixture. Pour in the cream and stir carefully , then heat steaks in the sauce for 2-3 minutes (or longer, depending how thick they are and how you like them).

I served them with potatoes sauteed with rosemary, and a lamb's lettuce salad with balsamic vinegar and hazelnut oil. (I have to add: nice as it was, the taste was too overpowering for the more delicate flavours of the Steak Diane.)

A steak was, of course, fitting because it is what Loretta (Cher) cooks for Ronny (Nicolas Cage) in the film when they first meet. Earlier, however, we see her in the family kitchen where her mother makes something that inspired my (strictly no-diet) starter.

Ciabatta Breakfast Starter

I used ciabatta bread slices, and immediately found that they had to be much larger for this fried bread-cum-egg. With larger slices, one could probably have used a circular cutter for the hole that is needed for the egg. As it was, a lot of the egg-white was left on top of the fried bread, and I had to stick it under the grill to finish it off. Apparently, this is called 'One Eye' (un occhio?), and you need the right kind of bread (which??) and you butter it before it goes into the pan (this information is from You Tube comments).

Having a starter, I felt I needed a dessert as well. With both dishes being highly calorific, this had to be low in calories. I like to experiment with Müller light for such desserts, and I chose their new Vanilla with Chocolate, which made me think of Stracciatella ice-cream. Espresso Dessert

To stay with the Italian theme, I also incorporated Espresso, coffee liqueur, ratafias and toasted hazelnuts. What's Italian about hazelnuts, I hear you ask. Ah! They remind me of a visit to Napoli, and our friend R.'s lovely parents. R's Mum had baked the nuts in their shell, which gives them this intense flavour of roasted, toasted hazelnuts without any burnt surface area. An absolute revelation!

I'm not going to add the recipe of the above dessert because it still needs further experiments in terms of quantities, textures, and - as you can see - presentation.

I can't wait to see everyone else's ideas! Thanks, Susan, in advance, for the round-up!

Alla Familia. Salute!

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(1) No, I'm not trying to show off, I don't actually speak Italian; if anything I want to show off the usefulness of the old lingua franca Latin, and how a word derived from it, spoken in another language, can help with the spelling obstacles in English.
(2) There are a number of effects attributed to a full moon, see here under 'lunar effect'. In Germany, the full moon is also referred to as 'Säufersonne', the drinkers' sun.
(3) Mani of the Germanic tribes, Nanna or Sin of the Mesopotamians, Thoth of the Egyptians, the Japanese God Tsukoyomi, the Finnish Rahko and the Aztec Teccizacatl, are all male moon gods. Typically, these cultures feature a female sun goddess. Which explains why it is der Mond(m)/die Sonne (f) in German, but la luna (f)/il sole (m) in Italian (la lune/le soleil in French).
(4) = googled and tested; i.e. the essence of the recipe after googling, comparing the constituent elements, and tweaking them to our taste/requirements. Also, see January 22, Burns' Treatment here .
(5) Most of the recipes suggested sirloin but personally, I'd rather have a small fillet than a larger sirloin.
(6) Most of the recipes used double cream but I found single cream quite sufficient.
(7) Alternatives: (flat-leaf) parsley, none

And this is what he made for Mothers' Day

It's apple and yellow plum compote with sultanas and cinnamon on a Scottish pancake, served with vanilla ice-cream and apple wedges. He did this without a recipe, simply inspired by watching masterchef. (I think 'au pif' will be his method of choice, don't you?) It was delicious, and sweet enough without the addition of any sugar. The Boy said knowingly that he had used good quality apples! The photograph (1) was taken by Dopey who, on Friday night, had agreed to make a starter, but arrived on Sunday, asking: What starter? (See what I mean??!!!)
Ah well, he's made me a music compilation, and two of the bands even have food related names: Farmers' Market, and Charming Hostess. And my BH cooked us a chicken curry of such gigantic proportions that I felt forced to ask how many other mothers he had invited. (I know, I know, what else is new? After all, he is the reason that there is frequently A Lot On My Plate!)
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(1) To quote him verbatim: You take crap photos, Mom! (PS: This is not a spelling mistake, in the Midlands, you're a Mom!)

And these are his muffins!

Raspberry, Strawberry and Blueberry Muffins

I had fresh blueberries in but just blueberries, that was not unusual enough for The Boy (see below), so we de-frosted some 'summer fruit'.

This is what he had to bring to his Food Technology (1) class:

280g plain flour
3 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
100g sugar
1 egg
240 ml milk
85g butter
140g fruit

My guess is that they were baked in a pre-heated oven at around 180-200 degrees C, for about 20 minutes.

I thought they were very nice but he was disappointed. Not sweet enough, not quite as sensational as he'd hoped for. But believe me, had I not taken these pictures immediately, there wouldn't have been anything left to photograph.

I'm wondering whether I can enter this for BBD # 18 over at funandfood , because right at the moment I can't see myself getting round to making the savoury waffles as there are so many deadlines looming. But I suppose 'guessing' a recipe isn't quite on!
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(1) Technology! I ask you! First they pretended they were actually teaching you something about household management - Home Economics - then they wanted to be associated with even more serious subjects by calling it Domestic Science, and now it's technology! For a linguist, the naming and re-naming processes which are going on in the world are a matter of never-ending amusement! My favourite in terms of school subjects, however, has to be Resistant Materials!!

That's My Boy!

My little one in his Greater Birmingham kit. It's a shame you can't see his team-mates (I didn't want to ask for permission, so I cropped the photo) because without the comparison, you can't quite appreciate his thighs, which are almost double the size of theirs.
What might be part of a 'great physique' on a rugby player, used to look seriously out of place on the girl he inherited these from (poor little me!). Their circumference was only a few inches short of that of my waist, and my calves were equally 'impressive', giving rise to my Dad gleefully referring to them as footballers' legs. - He was equally charming about my backside, but that's another story (1). - As there was no girls' team in our area, their usefulness in this respect was never further tested than playing on an open field with the neighbours' son (who, nonetheless, became a professional footballer later). Since my main sporting outlet is pushing a trolley along food aisles as fast as the other shoppers will allow, a less muscular outfit would have sufficed. However, all the years of distress over my deformity melt away when I see The Boy putting his physical inheritance to such good use in the pushing and 'driving' required in scrums and what I have recently found is called a 'ruck', not a 'rook' as I erroneously called it here. Well, I had never seen it written down, and believe me, the way they say it in this region, it sounded like the latter. Still does.
'Ruck', of course, makes far more sense, being a nice Anglo-Saxon word. Apparently, it is believed to be of Scandinavian origin, meaning a pile of combustible material! In German, 'der Ruck' is a jolt, jerk, tug or yank, and 'Hau ruck' means 'heave ho!'
What a shame I've been banned from shouting anything from the side-lines...

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(1) My behind, apparently, was as broad as the Krämpfer Tor. No, this didn't mean anything to me either. In fact, it is only now, courtesy of the weird and wonderful web, that I have found what it refers to.
Once upon a time, in the days of the Cold War, behind the Iron Curtain, there was a town called Erfurt. This town, in existence since the 8th century, was keen on defending itself, building massive city walls in 1066 (had they by any chance heard of William the Bastard?!), and by the 15th century, the walls had several gates. The Krämpfer Tor is one of them, and I guess it was big.
Considering that I fitted into a size 8 at the time (which would probably be a 6 these days - UK sizes), I daren't think what he'd say now - Marble Arch? Arc de Triomphe?
Come to think of it, had he not been quite so unsupportive... - maybe, just maybe, I would never have tried to weigh as little as a waif and therefore wouldn't have had any weight problems later. (More about that some other time...)

Bloody steak...

...bloody film?

Clarabela at justchickflicks has asked the interesting question why Men LOVE certain films.

But she starts out with the date-night-scenario - dinner and a movie - involving a bloody steak and an even bloodier film; which made me ask myself quite another question:

Have I been dating only WEIRD men? (Don't answer that!) Or have I been just incredibly good at vetoing crap - sorry - unacceptable films?

When I think back of films I've gone to see with boyfriends, it doesn't actually look too bad at all. Of course, maybe my memory does not serve me well, it all seems so long ago!! Maybe I've completely blocked out any action/horror movies I had to endure? (1)

No 1: Did we ever even make our way into the cinema?
No 2: 'Papillon' I remember, and that he was incredibly fond of cartoons. (2)
No 3: 'Lord of the Rings', 'Taxi Driver', 'The Empire strikes back', 'Midnight Express'
No 4: 'La Cage aux Folles' (3), and various James Bond films (4)
No 5: Roman Polanski's 'Macbeth', 'Blazing Saddles'

I'm married to the last one, and comedy and Shakespeare still play a dominant role. Probably not surprising after acting in school productions and studying English as part of his first degree. He will watch any costume drama, his favourite film is 'Brazil' and while not completely averse to what he calls 'boys' films (his own definition: involving car chases and/or guns) and not at all interested in what he calls 'porn for women' (5) (soaps and anything involving shopping - he moaned all the way through 'Sex in the City', and I don't mean Samantha type moaning!), he does not want to see blood, gore and horror. Doesn't see the point of it.
Although my boys (20 and 14) play unnecessarily brutal games on their Play-Thingy (X Box currently, but in the same way that a father I know called every boyfriend of his daughter's 'Bob', I might as well give it a more generic term as these things also seem to need frequent up-grading) -- in terms of films, they both list 'Amélie' amongst their favourites.

So, not everything is lost! We all love JB, Brazil and Amélie, and none of us love (or even like or rate!) Scarface and The Godfather, and I'm not even sure we know who Will Ferrell is.

Then again, none of my boys/men like their steak bloody. (In descending order: medium rare/doesn't like beef/well done.)

PS: I didn't have a photograph of a bloody steak, and I couldn't work out how to upload someone else's. Probably just as well, it's not a pretty sight!
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(1) Nah, I can see all my friends shaking their heads vigorously, "You never endured any action movies!!"
(2) This fascination did elude me at the time, and even though something has happened (my BH would argue it's probably the depleted oestrogen levels, also accountable for being a lot better at throwing and catching than in my youth....) whereby I do now find them very funny, Clarabela's last paragaph on a comedian reminded me that there must be differences in female/male types of humour. There is a certain silly-absurd element which tickles them, but leaves me cold, while there are other strains of humour that have me in stitches, but don't do anything for them.
(3) Some people will only be familiar with the '96 American re-make The Birdcage.
(4) He totally converted me to JB. At the time, it was Roger Moore, and the films were so tongue-in-cheek that I could forgive the genre. AND ever since, I have probably seen every JB film as soon as it came out, except for the last one. Oooh, and I so agree with Clarabela, I LOVED Pierce Brosnan as JB.
(5) Actually, that's what he calls House Make-Over shows, all that easy peasy carpentry and other DIY that give women the totally wrong impression that men LOVE IT.

Le Rou(x)ge et le Noir

Marc @ norecipes and Susan @ Sticky Gooey Creamy Chewy started a brilliant blogging event - the first Dinner and Movie of the Month, and I managed to miss it. Well, when I say 'miss', I actually mean, I had to give up, eventually. But let's start at the beginning:
The idea is that you watch the film of the month, then cook/bake a dish inspired by it. Well, I thought, that's almost like my RED SHOES film club that I never quite got off the ground (1), or the online book-inspired recipe exchange I initiated and then abandoned (2)! So, this was right up my street, and, with someone else running it, probably not destined to end in failure as so many of my projects do. Alas, a few of the reasons that make me so accomplished a failure junkie, came into play in this instance, too.
The film was CHOCOLAT - hence the above 'Roux' reference. As you may know/remember, the protagonist's (J. Binoche) love interest, played by Johnny Depp, was a river gypsy called Roux (3). Needless to say, I started fantasizing (and salivating) instantly. (I have a friend who fancies both, Johnny and Juliette, so with all that divine chocolate thrown in, this film makes her melt as if she were made of the sinful substance herself.)
My own fantasies revolved more around ambitious plans of what to make (honest!):

- A gypsy stew, enriched with Mayan chocolate, whose spicy smells immediately conjure up black cauldrons over an open fire, flickering flames and gold and silver flashes from earrings and tambourines?
- A chocolate cake with truffles on top, made to look like a presentation box of chocolate, each decorated individually, with dark and white chocolate stripes and squiggles, walnut halves, and pistachio brittle?
- A raspberry chocolate cake made to look like one giant truffle, in its own chocolate casing, topped with a raspberry mousse and a red lacy caramel fan?

The latter idea came partially from my eldest, admittedly, when I related the scene I remember most vividly, namely the one when Judi Dench (Armande Voizin) lifts her drab skirt to reveal the bright red lace of her petticoat, something I was desperate to incorporate.

As I’m as far away from being a masterchef as Gregg Wallace is from an elegant grasp of the English language in terms of pronunciation and correct grammar (4), all these ideas kept me running back to the PC.
Yep, downfall No1: research. It seems to be my raison d'être. Research, of course, with all the resources at one's fingertips, can be endless these days, and Endless (or was that 'Expansive'?) is one of my middle names. It's the reason why nothing ever comes off the ground, why the house is in the state it’s in, why there is often nothing on the plate - as opposed to A Lot! - for my hungry boys. The research and the fantasising seems to be more important than the actual activity in the kitchen (hmm, sounds familiar from other areas, too!).
So, I ended up with all my cake baking books cluttering the dining table, and documents cluttering my desk top. File after file were filled with information on gypsies (or Roma, Sinti etc, etc) and their food, plus a few more on Olla Podrida and raspberry cakes and cup cakes (‘caramel lace’ brought up Elle McPherson and lacy bras, by the way!), but nothing as yet was filling my plate. Which brings me to downfall No2: sense of timing and logistics, or rather, my lack of it.
I felt I had to watch the film again in order to feel justified in saying "inspired by the film" -- only, we don't own it.
Not to worry, I thought, I know a woman who does. Well, she did, but it was not to be found anywhere. Neither was it to be found in the library, (my BH came back with "Sex in the City" instead...) nor in the plethora of charity shops in A.G. Fine, I thought, Blockbuster it is -- only to discover that my membership card was missing from my purse.
By the time the glorious idea of checking out You Tube was put to me, I had already given up the idea of making and posting anything in time, even though I had actually cooked a delicious gypsy stew, and had bought all the ingredients for some sort of raspberry chocolate concoction, based on 55 different versions. But a) the photograph of the stew had not come out right, b) I had not yet turned my gypsy research into a suitable article, and c) there was no more time to get any baking done, let alone all the fancy fiddly stuff dreamt up earlier in the week! Even the simplest recipe seems to take at least 2 hours, once I enter my time-warp kitchen, so something like a triple decker cake with filling, ganache and complicated topping would take me all day, and we had to leave at 5ish because we had tickets to see Antony Sher (best known as The History Man) in The Tempest at Stratford, and parking space near the Courtyard Theatre (5) is at a premium.

So, there you have it, another instalment of my memoirs, the current working titles of which include: Adventures of a Failure Junkie; How to fail at everything - the 10 step approach; and Too Blonde and too Ambitious to Succeed?
But hey, as my cousin D. said about the East German experiment, “The original ideas were good.” And unlike the GDR version of Communism, my ideas and experiences are usually a lot of fun.

So, now we can come back to the title and photograph of this entry.
Le Rouge et le Noir, 1830, is of course a a Bildungsroman by Stendhal (Henri Beyle, (1783 – 1842, from Grenoble, a town which has been twinned with Essen since 1976) about the upwardly mobile Julien Sorel, an early version of Joe Lampton of "Room at the Top" by John Braine.
I have already explained the roux and the red lace, and while I was most surprised at the absence of the aforementioned scene on You Tube (can anyone explain this to me?), I noticed that there was a lot of use of this colour throughout the film, while other bright colours did not feature at all. There are the red capes at the beginning, of course, Vianne (our heroine) also wears red jumpers, or a red apron, and Joséphine wears a red jumper after her liberating use of the skillet. The red is often more the shade of lobster bisque than crimson, however. For instance Vianne's top and the stripes in Roux's shirt when they're dancing on the boat, or the blanket on Anouk's bed, or the balloon at the end of the film. But it still seems to symbolise the bit of fun and life and sin (?), the dark matter, the brown, almost black (magic) stuff (6) has brought to the people of the village.

PS: See here for the round-up and some seriously yummy looking recipes!
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(1) The Red Shoes:
a) a fairy tale by Danish poet Hans Christian Andersen; b) a legendary film by Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger (1948); c) a ballet based on the film and the story by Jochen Ulrich, with music by Shostakovich and Benjamin Britten, premiered May 6th 2006 at the Aalto Theater, Essen, as: Die roten Schuhe.
We watched the film, wore red shoes, ate red food and had a red cocktail. Sadly, similar events never got beyond the planning stage.
(2) I had the idea after I came across a book group who did just that: they read a book, and when they next got together, they all brought a dish inspired by the book. It seemed like the ideal thing for Chocolate & Zucchini, and we started with “Life of Pi” .....
(3) Ah, a number of points here. Roux, in Joanne Harris’ book and in the film, means ‘the redhead’. There is also a hotly tipped band called La Roux, because of the female singer's red hair. A question to the French speakers: is this even correct, or should it be La Rousse? (Yes, I know, this is also slang for The old Bill, according to this dictionary.
Of course, foodies think immediately of the basic technique for starting a lot of sauces, and/or the brothers Roux.
For me, it has a fun element, too. Depp playing Roux, in my mind, turns into "oaf playing sweaty flour". A roux, in the typically German way of naming things, becomes the rather uninspired, prosaic, but nail on the head "sweated flour", or "flour sweat", and "Depp" is German slang for dork, fool, moron, oaf, plonker, retard, shmuck, twit.
(4) Pars pro toto: when he followed the preposition "for" with the nominal form "John and I", I would have felt too queasy to slice a carrot, let alone cook something "elegant" for his ever so educated palate! Such a shame that his palate has only superior taste-buds, but is not capable of forming "elegant" sounds, and that his education does not include basic grammar.
(5) The theatres in Stratford are undergoing major refurbishment, unfortunately, we don't seem to see provision for more parking spaces on the plans, and for some reason, there isn't a late train back to Brum. I'm seriously considering a campaign! - Oh, by the way, this production of The Tempest is sensational!
(6) The chocolate in the photograph, as you can probably tell, is 100% coco from Hôtel Chocolat.

Is this a Dada I see before me?

This is what happened when the dishwasher gave up the ghost: The Dada looking cutlery used to be Viners, and the Art Deco swirls used to be the wheels which transport the trays.
I'm glad to report that the dishwasher saga (1) has come to an end, and the new one is finally humming away in the kitchen as we speak, or rather, as I type. Actually, I can't hear the dishwasher at all, because the washing machine is making such a racket - but that's another story (and incidentally, related to a racket-free sport, s.b.). The one about the dishwasher is as follows: In order to speed up the process of replacing the old one, we thought we'd order it on-line. Argos had the same brand in their catalogue, so we went for it as the old one had had a good innings (sorry, these sport related metaphors just keep coming...).
(Nearly 20 years, I should think. The baby I was still breast-feeding when I decided, admittedly in one of my less lucid moments, to study for an MBA, is 20 now. How on earth would I have coped without that dishwasher, when I was also teaching part-time? - Yeah, actually, how did I cope? These days, I hardly manage clearing up, shopping and cooking before anyone's home... - So, if I didn't have it during the first year, I certainly had it during my second year. And apart from losing the use of the dishwasher tablet compartment and the opening mechanism/handle, which had lately added the danger of electrocution if you forgot to switch it off prior to opening, it had been a good kitchen slave.)
Delivery should have been within 7 days, which sounded normal, but then I got a message that they'd contact me within 7 days to arrange delivery. That day passed and it was 2 days later before they rang, with the delivery date yet another couple of days away. When the man arrived he declared he could not get through into the kitchen without the fridge-freezer removed, and wasn't to be convinced otherwise even when I told him that we got the old cooker out and the new cooker in, both being the 60cm norm, and HEAVY, without moving the fridge-freezer. He was adamant that this could only be done with 2 people (granted) and a trolley. Wasn't there a way into the kitchen from the back? Hmm, yes, in fact there's a service road to the back of the property, which would be very convenient IF one could actually open the back gate, and IF said gate wasn't totally blocked from this side with - how shall I put it? - garden debris. I said if that was the only way to do it then we'd have to get all this sorted over the weekend. He said the only other thing he could do is leave the machine in the hall. Well, that was not exactly where I wanted it, and I had paid the extra for the old machine to be removed. Ah, he said, but we expect the old machine to be disconnected and ready for us outside. Nothing of the sort had been specified when I made my payment, I said, and he explained to me that he comes directly from the manufacturer, whereas my payment went to Argos, and did I understand that they would not connect the new machine either. Well, from what I could see this did not exactly need an electrician or plumber, did one not just unscrew this hose and screw the new one back on? He wasn't at liberty to tell. SO, he left me with a number to ring, taking my dishwasher back with him.
Only people who know my BH will appreciate exactly what ensued when I had to explain the absence of a new dishwasher, and the necessity of clearing the back garden. Apparently, the new dishwasher in the hall would have been the better choice... As it was, I did eventually locate the correct key for the padlock but - as usual - it was too rusty to be opened.
To cut a long story short: the dishwasher was delivered last Thursday, 15 days after ordering it. So much for speeding up the process! I could just as well have done the research for the best offer or indeed bought one on ebay! Especially as we had to move the old one ourselves anyway! Once outside, it was gone within hours, by the way. So much for paying the extra. (Oh yes, and dis- and re-connecting IS as easy as I thought.)

I cannot describe just how much better life is now. It was hard to believe just how much time it took to do the washing up (and that was with just 2 of us in the house most of the time), and also how badly the dishes were done! Had we become de-skilled, or had we been spoilt by a sparkling perfection that couldn't be achieved by hand? We'll never know. My eldest, the above mentioned baby, the one who never had to do the washing up in this house but, ironically, now earns his living as a "wash pig", had seriously suggested not to get the dishwasher replaced, for ecological reasons. I simply smiled mildly, and kept my thoughts to myself. You know, the ones that you'd love to ram down their throats, like "Just because you are foolish enough to think washing dishes is an appropriate career move for a bright lad with plenty of GCSEs and a couple of A-levels, doesn't mean that the rest of us have to follow!"

We might have been able to live with a faulty cooker and toilet for more years than any other family would have managed, but life without a dishwasher??!! That's almost as ridiculous as life without a washing machine! For Pete's sake, let's not even think about the grumbling of the latter, and hope that it is going to keep up with the ever increasing onslaught of mud and grit - wherever the boy plays (no 8 for school; flanker/7 for club; flanker/6 for county (2)), he always seems to be at the bottom of the rook (or whatever the impromptu pile-ups are called), bringing a sizeable percentage of the pitch back with him. It's a good job that the training sessions are on astro-turf!

PS: Oh yes, just in case you were wondering: it is Macbeth, "Is this a dagger which I see before me..." (Macbeth, II, i, 33)
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(1) Why does everything we do, result in a saga? I've got friends in Germany who dubbed me Katastrophenmaus because I never managed to arrive at their house without a narrative of a disaster that had befallen me on the way over (hence, catastrophe; mouse because I'm little...)
(2) They won their first match on Sunday, beating Herefordshire by 20 - 0; yeah!

Scrum-ptious: The Joey

It probably doesn't look that scrumptious to you (sorry, my photography still hasn't got any better, though at least I've found out a little more about the focus...), but a) it actually was, and b) this is , of course, a rugby related post.
The letter, long awaited with baited breath, confirming that the filius has been chosen to join the Greater Birmingham squad (i.e. County level), finally arrived - hooray - and training sessions will be on a Wednesday at 6:30. No time for dinner, only for a fast food fix, something to eat on the hoof, in other words: fist food.

And some time earlier, when reading about New Orleans, I had come across a veritable carb & calorie cluster that seemed to fit the bill, the Muffuletta:

a giant quadruple-decker sesame bap, essentially Sicilian, stuffed with mortadella, prosciutto, provolone (1) and salami, further enhanced by olives and capers, and something called giardiniera (2).

That was the first thing I had to investigate. It's a pickled vegetable & garlic mixture. Sounded like just the thing to get some of the 5-a-day veg into an otherwise unwilling teenager. But all recipes stated that it needed to mature, so not for today. Also, I had no celery in. Apparently, in Cajun/Creole cooking, this would never happen, as all dishes seem to start with three blessed ingredients, also called The Holy Trinity: namely, onions, peppers and celery.

Never mind, I could probably make some garlic pickle and mayonnaise. But I found that we had run out of Patak's garlic pickle, and anyway, this didn't quite fit in with the Sicilian provenance. Also, did I really want to add more fat content to the 4 meat cuts and cheese?
So, in the end, I created a healthier sandwich filler/sauce, inspired by LaBelga of Leafy Cooking, namely a variation on her Budwig Mayonnaise. see there.

I used avocado oil (because I couldn't open the linseed oil bottle!!), cottage cheese, vinegar, mustard, smoked paprika and walnuts. I would have added gherkins but I couldn't open the jar (what's wrong with me?). I forgot the cheese (probably just as well), and I simply HAD to re-name it (c'mon, the boy is 14... -- "Yr 9! " need I say more?). The 4-fold meat filling and Sicilian connection made me immediately think of Joey from 'Friends', who is - certainly on the food front - one of my son's icons.

The Joey was very well received (in terms of taste, too), except for the walnuts and what he thought was feta cheese. So, blitzing it is, next time.

As it is the half term holiday, he's going on a rugby development programme on Thursday and Friday, so I think some baking is in order. BBD # 16 was so inspirational, I'm hoping to bake some bread for his lunch time requirement of 'complex sandwiches' (my boys' euphemism for multi-storey fillings).
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(1) Possible replacement: mozzarella
(2) Recipe to follow when I've made some

Tie me up, tie me down!

When contemplating what to do for Valentine's Day - go out/ stay in? - it occurred to me that I couldn't remember at all what we did last year. Just before the gruesome spectre of Mr Alzheimer got hold of me (again), it came back to me: of course, it was half term, and I'd taken two 13-year olds to Germany.
In the evening, I had a flotsam threesome (1) with my girl-friend of 30+ years (or was that 40??) and an ex-boyfriend.
And the year before that, I spent Valentine's Day with another girl-friend (whose husband was also away on business) and Antonio Banderas.
Only on screen, of course; but a large one; in Pedro Almodóvar's 1990 film 'Tie me up! Tie me down!'.

We had a veritable Spanish feast to go with it. Spanish wine and olives, of course.
Cherry tomatoes stuffed with black olive tapenade,

kumquats and chorizo on skewers,
kebabs of stuffed dates, melon balls and serrano ham.

All very decorative, all very time-consuming. Very tasty, quick and a keeper, however, was the Tomato, Spinach and Garbonzo (chickpea) Salad. It's also healthy and not too calorific (probably ~ 270 calories per portion).Unfortunately, I didn't write down the recipe, but from looking at the various ones on-line, it was - as usual - a conglomerate, probably like this:

Tomato, Spinach & Garbonzo (Chickpea) Salad, serves 4

3 ripe tomatoes (chopped)
baby spinach
1 can chick peas (drained)
1 medium red onion (finely chopped)
2 or more cloves of garlic (finely chopped)
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 tsp Dijon mustard
Salt and pepper
juice of 1 lime
coriander or mint
flat-leafed parsley (optional)

Sauté 1/2 the onion for a few minutes, then the garlic, then wilt the torn spinach, leave to cool. Place with the chopped tomatoes , can of chickpeas, torn herbs and the rest of the onion in a large bowl.
For the dressing, combine extra virgin olive oil, lime juice, Dijon mustard, salt and pepper in a small bowl and whisk until smooth. Pour dressing over salad and toss gently to combine.

Tonight we're going out, by the way. The dishwasher couldn't be delivered, so we want to avoid at least one lot of washing up!

Have a happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
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(1) The original German expression is 'ein flotter Dreier' and means quite the opposite, a 'racy threesome' (in his dreams!), but as neither of us are as 'perky' and 'zippy' as we once were (two of the many other meanings of 'flott'), and the fact that we had nothing better to do on a day like Valentine's Day, brought about the idea of flotsam....

Chinese Cracker

The Chinese New Year Celebrations, which started at midnight on January, 25th, culminate in a lantern procession on the last of the 15 days. So we had a little feast with a Chinese theme last Sunday. As you can see, there aren't any crackers. I was going to make them myself (only as decorations!!) and kept all the loo rolls but in the end didn't get round to it. I was also going to make little lanterns... well, maybe I'll get round to those for St. Martin's in November (1).

Note to Self:

• make decorations well in advance

• buy ingredients on Friday, not Saturday

I had two red paper lanterns (love and peace, see below), but the cracker of the title refers to the soy braised chicken I decided to do.
I adapted it from: Taste of the East by Deh-Ta Hsiung, Rafi Fernandez & Steven Wheeler, a cookery book I've had for so long that its sleeve has developed a kind of cooking related patina (2), but haven't actually cooked from that much.
The main change was that I 'deep-fried' the chicken in what is essentially a stock pot because I threw out the wok before Christmas, and that I braised the chicken subsequently in the oven and not on the hob. I also added some Chinese 5 spice, because I had just made some (more about that some other time...), but the pepper in it, as well as in the rub, wasn't actually Sichuan (more about that also some other time...) but black and pink respectively.
The chicken does look rather spectacular when it's ready, unfortunately, I didn't take a picture, and even more annoyingly, I followed the cookery book's instructions to leave it to cool down and to cut it into 30 pieces...

First of all: 30??? Don't be ridiculous!
Secondly: all the great looking skin came off, it all looked messy, and in the end, the meat was nearly cold.

So, another note to self:

• Arrange chicken on a plate with lettuce and present to guests, pour gravy into gravy boat, carve at the table.

Below is the complete menu, followed by the recipe.

Chinese New Year Menu

Pickled sweet and sour cucumber
Hot and Sour Soup (3)
Soy-Braised Chicken
Red Prawns (4)
Stir-fry Veg
Rice, Noodles, dipping sauces
Mango jelly
Mango, Pineapple, Lychees & Cherries
Spiced syrup
'Fish of plenty' rice pudding/sweet (5)
Fortune cookies (6)
Good luck sweets


Soy-Braised Chicken (Serves 4)

1 whole chicken

Rub:
1 tbsp ground Sichuan peppercorns
2 tbsp minced fresh ginger

• mix and rub the chicken with the mixture, inside out

Marinade:
3 tbsp light soy sauce
2 tbsp dark soy sauce
3 tbsp Chinese Rice wine or dry sherry
1 tbsp light brown sugar

• marinate chicken in this marinade for 3 hours, turning frequently

Deep-frying:
vegetable oil

• fry the whole chicken in the hot oil until brown all over

Braising:
575ml/1 pint/2 1/2 basic stock or water
2tsp salt
25g/1oz rock (crystal) sugar
some 5-spice seasoning (freshly made if possible)

• put the chicken into an ovenproof dish with lid, add the marinade, stock and seasoning; cook at 190°C/375°F/5 for 35 - 40 minutes (Römertopf: 50 - 55); 5 - 10 minutes without lid

Arrange:

lettuce leaves

• arrange whole chicken on lettuce leaves

I'm not sure what all my little ornaments mean, hopefully they're all lucky symbols.
RED, of course, is the lucky colour, and 8 the lucky number (8 = a homophone for wealth). Everything for the New Year has to be in even numbers, but not in 4s, four is a homophone for death. (I therefore laid two more sets, even though we were only 4 people at this dinner, and we also had 8 fortune cookies - which are not traditionally Chinese, by the way, but an American-Chinese addition.) It is also a custom to give red envelopes to juniors (containing money), to have hair-cuts before the New Year, and to wear new clothing (but you mustn't wear black and white). Wearing a new pair of slippers, bought just before the NY means you will step on the people who gossip about you.

As with festivities in other cultures, there has to be a thorough cleaning of the house, from top to bottom, before the festival and the a reunion dinner, and sweet goods are made/baked to bribe the Kitchen God. Talking about death is inappropriate for the first days of Chinese New Year.
It's important to have a bath the night before the New Year, and if you bathe in pomelo leaves, it assures health for the rest of the year.

In terms of decor, mandarins are always important, and so is bamboo - I was therefore particularly pleased to find knives with a bamboo pattern at the market. Peach blossom = luck; kumquats = prosperity; narcissi = prosperity; Chrysanthemums = longevity; sunflowers = to have a good year; fish icons = surplus, having additional savings.

Jade is supposed to be particularly lucky for the Year Of The OX.
Obama was born in the year of the Ox (1961, also my brother's year), other famous Ox people are: Robert Redford, George Clooney, Clark Gable, Walt Disney, Charlie Chaplin, J.S. Bach, van Gogh, Hitler.

All in all, it's supposed to be a year for 'modest reaping' in spite of the Global meltdown. Hmm, maybe for the Chinese...
Love and Peace to you all, anyway!________________________
(1) St. Martin is celebrated in Germany on November, 11th, with the St. Martin's goose, and a lantern procession for the children.
(2) Those of you who keep their cookery books in the kitchen, probably know what I mean...
(3) The soup was made with home-made stock but otherwise, it was a cheat. I saw the paste at the supermarket in Brum's Chinatown, and thought, why not. And I can only recommend it. Asian Home Gourmet, Special Paste for Soup, Szechuan Hot & Sour Soup, Suan La Tang.
I added a little bit of my own Chinese 5 Spice, thin strips of red pepper to look like chilli (it doesn't need any, it's hot enough!), bamboo shoots, water chestnuts, spring onions and shiitake mushrooms (tinned). It also required the addition of corn flour, and at the end, you gradually stir in an egg. I'd probably leave out the latter next time.
(4) These were based on another recipe from the aforementioned book, and they tasted very Chinese indeed, but I found it very messy, so I won't be making those again.
(5) I saw it at the supermarket, so I had to have it (more about it some other time...)
(6) One of mine announced an addition to the family, which has been worrying me ever since. No, no, I myself am past it, I'm more thinking: girl-friend No1? Girl-friend No3? -- Hopefully though it means that my brother has finally found himself a lady-friend!